And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
