can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
