I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
