I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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