Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i came on her dog
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
