Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
