Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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