Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
