kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
