The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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