I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
