Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
