I can tuck mytits in my pants
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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