Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
