brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
