Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is my gift to your gina
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
