He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
