I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
