just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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