I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
