Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
