You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
