You're earring is so big in my mouth
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
