never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
