I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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