Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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