Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
