Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
