he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
