STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
