I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
