Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
