u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
