im about as happy as oj after his trial
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
