Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
