u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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