felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
