So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
