Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
