He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
