fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
