Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
