Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
