He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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