At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
