At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
