Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
