I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The struggles of a small town man whore
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
