The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
