OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
